About Me

Hello and welcome to my Website; ”A Syrian crushes his closet”. I will start to explain the title. I was born December the 23th 1982 in Damascus, the Capital of Syria. At that time there were troubled times in Syria. There were tried negotiations for peace between Lebanon and Israel where Syria too was involved. A closing meeting for these negotiations was planned December the 14th 1982, but the proposals were rejected. New proposals were suggested and negotiations started December the 28th where Lebanon, Israel and USA participated. I was born in a Hospital, but the turmoil’s did that I was not registered before after the negotiations had started. That means I am registered born January the 10th 1983. But my parents always celebrated my birthday the actual day of December the 23th 1982. As I myself still do, something that makes some confusion.

I have since I was a little boy felt attraction to adult men. In the childhood not sexual, but still an attraction to older men. In my teens I noticed that this attraction was sexual. This was difficult for me because I didn´t have anyone to talk to about my feelings. What I understood was that my feelings were social and religious unacceptable. I grew up in a Christian environment, where my father is a catholic and my mother Greek orthodox. I was raised in the catholic believe. It was not only social and religious unacceptable, but the laws said it was not legal to have sexual activities between persons of the same gender. Three years in prison was a risk and there one can be an easy catch among other prisoners. In the Arabic world the view of homosexuality is confusing. It can be acceptable if a man is the active part in an anal intercourse, he don´t necessarily be mentioned as gay. In the contrary if a man is the passive part and receives another mans penis, than he is a homosexual and a pervert. When I grew up I experienced a pressure form my surroundings to find a woman to marry. It would be nice if this woman where a cousin. But my feeling for women was zero. I could be a friend to women, but mine attractions to men kept on and I didn´t feel any sexual when I was together with women. I met in secrecy some men, most of them married with children. Speaking about feelings was out of the question with these men, it was purely sexual.

When the Syrian war started, I went to Russia. There were it a little easier to try my sexuality, but still the normality concept was strong there too. That means that I still had to keep my feelings in myself and meet men in secrecy.

In July 2015 I crossed the border to Norway. Russia and Norway has common border up north. I asked for protection in Norway, mostly because of the war in Syria. My homosexuality I was very careful about telling. I didn´t understand that one could tell the police about being gay without punishment.

When I started orienting in Norway in different channels in Internet, I understood that I could speak openly about my feelings and be in contact with other gays openly.

This blog is about my process of coming out as gay, my struggle to be accepted of family and friends. Until I today want to crush the closet I was hiding so I never will be able to walk into any closet.

But my interests are not only being a proud gay. I have a passion for film, videos, animation and other creations in the computer. These interests will be shown too in my blog. Thanks so far for reading my history; I hope you will join me further


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